- gardyloo, interjection. a call used in warning; perhaps from French garde à l’eau! look out for the water!
- swoopstake, adv. in an indiscriminate manner
- wanion, n. unlucky
He sits down heavily. Just where is he and WHY does he have these shoes?...
The wanion Acersecomic sighs. His scaevity is getting tiring! These shoes...how could he have come by them? He decides that it must have been the witch. Perhaps the shoes are a symbol of his victory over her and now he will be able to trim his hair. Then he remembers. He didn't win, he lost. And now he's stuck in some remote corner of the world - hell - maybe even the universe. Alone.
He jumps. Apparently not alone.
'Hello! I'm your guide to the lovely region of - of - ' the voice pauses. '- of Brephophagist.'
'No, no, that must be wrong. Oh yes, that's for my next call. This is - Gardyloo. Did I already say that? No...that isn't the name of here, that's the - Run!'
Acersecomic runs. He has no idea who (or what) the voice is, in fact he never saw who it belonged to.
'Run faster you fool! They're catching up.'
'Who are you voice? Why am I here? And why didn't you warn me about the...them?'
'One question at a time jester! I'm down here.'
Acersecomic looks down. One of his purple clogs does a little jig. Acersecomic trips.
'Idiot! You are here because you are an idiot. Snilching the Wild Westerly Warrior no less. It's no wonder she had to take action.'
'But I never - ' He pants, still running.
'Beside the point. Now for your last question. I did warn you, coxcomb. You just weren't paying attention.'
'Uh, uh, uh. Don't make me thropple you.'
'You're a clog.'
'I am a presence. Don't doubt magic when you use it everyday. Furthermore, what makes you think that clogs and presences are incompossible in the same thing?'
'Please just tell me how to leave this place.'
'It is a long and complicated riddle.'
'You asked. I'll tell. First you must gnathonize a sagittipotent female, of which there are many here. Then, you have to defedate the Stream of Life. Proceed in an assectation after the afore mentioned female, who you have successfully bound with rope in your drug-induced noctambule. Then your long and sometimes fissiparous hair can be trimmed by the pair of silver scissors in your wardrobe.'
'In English? It sounds a bit complicated. Are you sure it's worth it?'
'Defile the Stream of Life by spitting in it, which will kill many thousands of undecided organisms, from fleas to whales. Then capture a female, tie her up while sleepwalking in sleep induced by eating poisonous fruit, then follow the girl, and you will be able to cut your hair. However, need I mention only the scissors in your wardrobe can cut your hair, and they are far far away? And also, in order to leave this place, you must do all of that anyway. Think on it.'
'Hmmm. What are the disadvantages to staying here?'
'In fact none for the next three hours. After that, the entire land floods and you are sure to drown unless you have completed the tasks.'
'Well then I have no choice. This land is horrible,' Acersecomic says, swoopstake waving a hand across the horizon.
'You always have a choice. Your amarulence is tiring. Grab your cromack and let's be off.'
The wizard debates for a moment, then kicks off the clogs. He runs toward the most likely place to find a sagittipotent female; the forest.
He has forgotten the mysterious predators behind him.
scaevity: unluckiness, left-handedness;
brephophagist: baby eater
incompossible: Not capable of joint existence; incompatible; inconsistent
snilch, v. — to eye someone or something
gnathonize: to flatter; roblet: to lead astray
fissiparous, adj. tending to break up into parts
sagittipotent: skilled at archery
noctambule, v. sleepwalk;
coxcomb, n. a conceited, foolish dandy; pretentious
assectation , v. — act of following after something else;
defedate, v, — to defile, to pollute
cromack, n. a staff, stave or walking stick;
amarulence, n. — bitterness, spite;
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