One misty moisty morning, the sky woke up as grey
And the people living locally cursed the dark damp day
The mountains were clothed in wispy shrouds,
Day-star stayed hidden behind the menacing clouds
The ocean thrashed and hissed at the shore
But the boats out deeper were losing the war
Salt-water rushed to fill each small hole
The Atlantic claimed each celestial soul
When the storm might have passed...
though the day was still grim,
The keeners mourned over a single woven jumper...
though no one was within.
Carry On Tuesday
6 comments:
Love this. Hauntingly beautiful.
This is a wonderful poem - so much so that I am going to break the rules: You have established a lovely lilting rhythm in the first three lines, but the fourth and the penultimate lines break the rhythm, and it could be so much better with the elimination of extra syllables in those lines.
Please forgive me if I have overstepped the mark.
I really loved everything about this poem - attention to rhyme and meter as well as to the details of the story. Something about the whole scene reminded me of a Dylan Thomas piece.
Beautiful. Really liked it but can also see where Viv is coming from (not that I know anything!!)
You had me until the last line. I don't understand it. (Sorry.)
The image of the empty jumper...so sad.
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